Life in the Fast Lane


Date A Girl Who's on Facebook

By 11:57 AM , , , , , , ,

Over the weekend, I saw "Date A Girl Who Tweets", the latest in the "Date A Girl Who..." series.

Here are some of the others:

I realized that there wasn't a Facebook counterpart, so I decided to write one after an exchange on Facebook (ironically) with a friend/colleague of mine, who egged me on.


Date A Girl Who's on Facebook

Date a girl who’s on Facebook. But before you do, add her up first. Include a personal message that doesn’t sound: a) cheesy; b) trying hard; c) corny. She’ll judge you before deciding whether or not you’re worth the “Accept” button. If, somehow, you make it to her Friends’ List, you’ll have the privilege of entering her world: her myriad of thoughts, feelings, victories, and struggles.

Date a girl who’s on Facebook. Because when you do, it’s like having a first date with her without the awkwardness of that “first date conversation”. You’ll know automatically all the names of her family members, if she likes dogs or cats, where she studied, where she works now, and whether Twilight is one of her favorite books or not. Then when you do have your first date, it’ll be as if you’re already on your second date: you already know that you can discuss Stephenie Meyer and why she prefers Edward or Jacob, or if she’ll get eventually into 50 Shades of Grey.

Date a girl who’s on Facebook. She is So! Up! To! Date! She knows that there was a container truck that toppled along the southbound lane of the SLEX earlier this morning. She’s aware that her best friend from preschool is now “It’s Complicated” with a friend of a friend of yours. Enraged over the delayed reaction of the WBO, she will “share” several links to different editorials and state why, until now, she feels robbed of a win, even if Manny Pacquiao himself seems to be at peace with the decision. SMH. OMG. And to calm herself down, she will also “share” the most viral video of cute kittens on YouTube, so that her contacts who didn’t hit the “Like” button on her previous posts will do so now.

Date a girl who’s on Facebook. You won’t need to text to ask her how she’s doing or where she is because, almost every second of the day, you’ll see “her” online. She’ll check-in at Starbucks via FourSquare, upload a pic of the Java Chip Frappuccino she’s having via Instagram, and write a status update saying that the “SPAM sandwich is the best thing everrrrrrr!!!” If she misses you anyway, she’ll “poke” you, write on your wall, or send you a “PM”. Just be sure to reply almost the second after you receive said notifications. Otherwise, she might “unfriend” you.

Date a girl who’s on Facebook. You’ll understand just how much she loves and supports Pinoy rock when you see all the tagged photos of her in concerts or gigs. You’ll see how close she is with her family, especially her mom, in proportion to the number of pics she has with her family members. You’ll get what makes her laugh (grammatical errors), what makes her cry (baby seals being whacked on the head as a "sport" in Canada), what disinterests her (who won the French Open), and what makes her come alive (joining the next Milo Run). Little by little, as you stalk her Facebook profile, you might just realize that you’re falling slowly for her: that the tick boxes of things you want in a woman are slowly being checked by her Facebook profile.

Date a girl who’s on Facebook. Because if she’s into you as much as you’re into her, she’ll let the whole world know. Her Facebook profile pic will be of the two of you, and all the people dearest to her will “Like” it and give comments such as “So cute!” or “I’m so happy for you!” She’ll tag you in all her posts, be they of trivial or monumental significance. At the end of every date, or whenever you do something sweet for her, she’ll share the highlights. And if you finally, finally decide that she’s the one, she’ll change her relationship status to “In a Relationship” faster than you can blink. She’ll also bug you time and again about confirming the status request so that “In a Relationship” will actually mean with you.

Then again, if you do date a girl on Facebook, you should know that you can’t mess up. Ever. Because once you do, she’ll start posting vague angry status updates that will most likely pertain to you. She’ll keep cross-posting those angsty Tumblr artworks. She’ll comment “Dislike” on any of her friends’ mushy/cheesy posts. Then tag your name alongside the comment. Worse, she’ll temporarily deactivate her Facebook account, leaving you bewildered and wondering every second what she’s doing or thinking.

And if you break her heart, it’s tantamount to severing all ties with her friends, her family members, her relatives (including that cute nephew of hers who hero-worshipped you), her colleagues, her entire world. And there go the 2,310 tagged photos of the two of you.

Before you know it, you can’t access any of her posts anymore. She’s already unfriended you.

Maybe you should think twice about dating a girl on Facebook.

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  1. Very funny :) Shared in the Solitary Wanderer wall!

  2. Hey, Aleah! Thanks for dropping by and sharing! Appreciate it! :)


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